


Zackai - The Beautiful Adventure

by Akaashi



Series: Yert Adventures [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-06-05 11:30:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6702988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akaashi/pseuds/Akaashi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zack really loves Jongin and I had free time so why not.</p><p>I'm a great friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Zackai - The Beautiful Adventure

Zack was laying in his bed, alone, yet again aimlessly browsing the internet. ‘Aimlessly’ being used ironically, because he knew exactly what he was looking for: Jongin. He doesn’t know how it happened, but finding pictures of Jongin and reflexively telling his group chat how gay he was had worked its way into his daily, or even hourly, routine. One day, Zack got a promising message from a sasaeng on LINE.

[20:31] BTS-ARMYx3: “Hey, I have Jongin’s phone number. Are you interested?”

Zack squinted. He considered the different directions this conversation could go. Sure, it could be a trustworthy sasaeng, but what if it was someone who is just waiting to call him out if he accepts? Or – oh my god – what if it was Jongin himself, trying to test him..? He shook his head. That was ridiculous.

[20:34] jonginfucker69: “i am”  
[20:34] jonginfucker69: “whats the proce?”  
[20:34] jonginfucker69: “prive”  
[20:34] jonginfucker69: “price”

Zack bit his lower lip, impatiently waiting for a reply. Please don’t be a prank, please don’t be a prank, he kept repeating to himself. Just as he completed that thought ‘Pretty Boy’ by Taemin featuring the love of his life came on shuffle on his iPod. He was certain this was an omen. A good one.

[20:36] BTS-ARMYx3: “Well, it’s no price in terms of money…”  
[20:37] BTS-ARMYx3: “Let’s just call it a favor.”  
[20:37] BTS-ARMYx3: “You see, Jongin isn’t even my EXO bias.”  
[20:37] jonginfucker69: “oh, who is?”  
[20:38] BTS-ARMYx3: “Minseok.”

Zack gulped. He didn’t like where this was going.

[20:38] BTS-ARMYx3: “I want you to steal Minseok’s underwear for me.”  
[20:39] jonginfucker69: “KLJDFSG;L”  
[20:39] jonginfucker69: “ADSKLJHGASJKLGH;EV”  
[20:40] jonginfucker69: “wait are you serious”  
[20:40] BTS-ARMYx3: “I was kidding. xD”  
[20:41] BTS-ARMYx3: “Listen, I heard he’s arriving at Moscow airport tomorrow and I need you to snatch anything he might be wearing.”  
[20:41] BTS-ARMYx3: “Nothing big. Just his sunglasses or something.”  
[20:42] jonginfucker69: “are you”  
[20:42] jonginfucker69: “serious”  
[20:42] BTS-ARMYx3: “I never joke about Minseok.”  
[20:43] jonginfucker69: “you literally just did”  
[20:43] BTS-ARMYx3: “Listen. I’d do it myself, but unfortunately I don’t live in Moscow.”  
[20:44] BTS-ARMYx3: “If you do this for me you can message Jongin as much as you want.”

Zack’s heart was racing. It’s a well-known fact that he would do anything for Jongin. But it’s an even better known fact that he’s deathly afraid of Minseok. He knows that the cute-looking idol was perfectly capable of beating him up. Minseok is a serious threat to all Zacks. Zack took a deep breath and thought to himself: “oh my god jongin i lvoe him so m ych im gonn a cryt”. And he knew he needed that number more than any arm of his Minseok will break. Or detach entirely. Who knows.

[20:46] jonginfucker69: “*hacker voice* im in”  
[20:46] BTS-ARMYx3: “I knew I could count on you, jonginfucker69.”

How embarrassing. Zack completely forgot he set that as his nickname. Then again he didn’t expect any serious business inquiries on his LINE account.

[20:47] BTS-ARMYx3: “I’ll send you more information about the flight tomorrow morning.”  
[20:47] BTS-ARMYx3: “It should arrive in the afternoon so you still have time.”  
[20:48] jonginfan: “alright, bey.”  
[20:48] jonginfan: “bye.”

The next morning Zack obviously was dead tired, seeing as falling asleep is pretty hard when you’re thinking about the most perfect person in the universe AND the very real chance of being murdered. But Zack is a guy who has his shit together. Sometimes. And that day was luckily one of those days. He just finished putting on his clothes (without a bulletproof armor since he doesn’t have one, unfortunately) and finishing his maxi-breakfast (he needs to be full with carbs if he wants to stand a chance against Minseok, unfortunately) when the sasaeng’s message reached his inbox.

[11:11] BTS-ARMYx3: “Okay, so it’s flight 9410 and it should arrive at 16:15. Terminal D.”  
[11:11] BTS-ARMYx3: “Good luck, hwaiting!”  
[11:12] jonginfan: “thanks”

That reply might’ve seemed calm but Zack was actually in extreme distress. All those numbers and letters and hwaitings made him realize that this was much more serious than he thought. Desperate and on the verge of crying, he buried his face in his hands. Why on earth did he agree to do this? But then he remembered Jongin’s face and everything about him and suddenly he was filled with motivation again. “JONGINIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”, he screamed internally. “LHLY OGDMFGOFMSMGDFAHGHJ JFDSGGFUJWEHAHRAHTG YFCJJFU.” He took a couple of minutes to soak up his idol’s holy energy and left his house at noon.

While sitting in the taxi he truly appreciated leaving this early because he realized he had no idea how to navigate Moscow airport. What if Minseok left the building without giving Zack a chance to snatch anything? Sure, that would minimize the chance of death but it would also minimize the chance of Jongin’s phone number so it wasn’t really an option. He needed to familiarize himself with the environment if he wanted to be successful.

As soon as he arrived at the airport he checked where terminal D arrivals were. Luckily, airports are paparazzi- and sasaeng-friendly, so it wasn’t hard to get that information, nor to arrive at that place. He was shocked to see that he was the only person waiting at the gate. Less people who could beat him up were a good thing, but being able to hide in a crowd would’ve had its advantages as well. The more he thought about the pros and cons of the situation he was currently in, the more he noticed that his maxi-breakfast was being burned away with the speed of light. The adrenaline really seemed to be kicking in. Listening to Jongin’s songs while waiting was a poor attempt to calm himself down, but it was an attempt nonetheless.

Zack flinched when he heard the announcement that the plane arrived. He knew he wasn’t nearly prepared enough for this. Then again, stealing items from dangerous idols isn’t really a skill you get to practice every day, so would he have ever been more prepared than now? A few minutes after the announcement he could see Minseok from afar. And Sehun. And Yixing. And. Fuck... Jongin. 

Of course the whole group would be there! Why didn’t he realize this earlier?! This changed everything. He didn’t want the light of his life to see him being beaten up.

((Stay cool… Stay focused...)) Zack tried to stay strong. ((You just have to get close enough to him for one second, then it’s all over and you can go back home.)) He gathered all his courage and approached the idol group, still a little confused no other fans or photographers have been waiting for them. With each step his heart rate seemed to double and once he was close enough suddenly all the idols locked eyes with him. Maybe it would’ve been smarter if he just had ran to Minseok, grabbed his mask and disappeared into the depths of Russia, but now all of them have noticed him. Zack has never been in a situation more awkward than this. Steadily keeping up the eye contact with everyone, he sideways crab-walked his way over to Minseok. Zack was aware they all knew he was there, though the element of surprise was still on his side since they had no idea what he was up to. Without saying a word, he first looked Minseok in the eyes, then his stare made its way down to the idol’s shoulders. They were covered by a thick coat, but Zack was painfully aware that nothing but muscle and his own demise were hiding underneath. He had to act quickly. 

But before he could act upon that thought, he heard an all too familiar, angelic voice next to him. 

“I’m disappointed in you”, Jongin said. “I really didn’t think you would go this far.”

Zack just stood there, paralyzed by Jongin’s beauty and the words that hurt him so deeply.

Jongin sighed (gracefully). “I thought you weren’t like other fans.”

Zack didn’t want his sunshine to think of him like this! He had to defend himself and explain the situation. Quickly!

“N-No, it’s not like that! A sasaeng asked me to do this, you know?”

“Of course I know. I am the sasaeng. This was all a test.”

There was no way this could be real… Sure, Zack had considered this as a possibility, but he never thought it would actually be the case. This was truly the worst day of his life.

“But, in a way…” Jongin continued. “I do admire your dedication.” His serious face slowly softened up into a smile. “And I think you should be rewarded for that.” He started looking for something in his bag.

((A signed photo? Money? A condom?)) Zack had no idea what he was going to receive and he wasn’t really sure what he was hoping for most, either. 

As soon as Jongin pulled out what he was looking for, Zack could feel himself being closer to crying than ever before. It was a post-it with Jongin’s number on it.

“For my most dedicated fan”, Jongin said and patted Zack’s shoulder while giving him the small sheet of paper. This was it. He can die happily now.


End file.
